I woke up to find a waiter standing patiently next to my bed.

“Good morning,” she said, as I recoiled slightly and rubbed sleep from my eyes. “Here is your menu for the day.” She held up a sheet of folded paper with strange symbols drawn on it in faint pencil and then laid it on my nightstand.

In my dream, the one I had only moments ago been having, I had been fighting a gigantic troll wearing a basketball jersey that read ‘GAS DUMP #24’. What was happening now was only slightly less nonsensical.

I looked at the paper. The cover said “Men U” with the U written on a line below the word Men. I blinked a few times at the little girl and then rolled over and tried to return to the troll.

“Daaaad. What do you want? You have to order something. I’m making breakfast and everything today. Mom and I went to the store and bought all the stuff for it.”

I opened one eye.


I sighed and sat up. “Okay, okay, let me see what you have Clara. I’m sorry.”

She waved her hand at the paper, like a wizard producing a spell. “It’s all there.”

I stared at the paper for a long time before making my choice. “Alright… I guess I’ll have a… um… wofle? Is that right?”

“Yes, they are gluten free.”

“Uh huh. Sure. And…”. I pointed at a series of runes in the middle of the page. “Clara, what… Why does this say ‘Worm Froot’? What sort of restaurant is this?”

She leaned forward, “That says warm.”

“No, that says worm,” I wiggled a finger to illustrate.

“Well, it’s fruit that I put in the microwave.”

“Okay, then I’ll have that too.” I folded the paper and handed it back to her. “Hold the worms.”

She nodded and then spun twice on her way out the door.

I fell back onto my pillow and stared up at the ceiling. Maybe I could finish fighting that troll?

Suddenly, a head popped back into the room. “I’m so excited about making lunch, I can’t hardly stand it!”

I said nothing.

“Maybe I can just skip ahead to that part. Would you rather have lunch?”

I yawned.

“Right, I’ll just do the waffles and berries for right now. But be thinking about what you want next.” She giggled as she disappeared down the hallway. “We have so much to do today and it’s going to be great!” She said to herself as she marched into the kitchen.