On the last night before my son’s fifth birthday, I picked him up and held him on my lap and I said, “Gideon, do you know what I just realized?” and he said, “What’s that?”. And I told him, “I may never get another chance to tickle my 4-year-old little boy again unless I do that right now.” And the little boy thought about this for a moment and then bravely agreed, “You are right. You should do that.” And I turned my head away in shock and said, “No! I couldn’t do that. Iknow you probably don’t want me to tickle you.” but he stared straight ahead and said, “Dad, I want you to tickle me. One last time. Quick, before I grow up.”

So, I did.

A few minutes later he saw me watching him and I smiled and said, “Do you know what I was just thinking about?” and he said, “That you love me?”. And I said, “Yes, but I was also thinking that this might be the very last time that I can ever stick my finger inside my 4-year-old little boy’s ear.” And he thought about this for a moment before facing me very seriously and saying, “Okay, then you should do that. Quick, before I grow up.” And he turned his head and waited for me to poke my finger into his tiny little ear.

So, I did.

An hour or so later I was sitting next to him in my chair and he held up his foot and showed me his toes. “Daddy,” he said, “You know, this might be the very last time that you can pull my toes as a 4-year-old little boy.” And I was stunned and reminded him that he hates it when I pull his toes. But he said, “I know, but you should do it one last time while I’m four. Quick, before I grow up.” And he stuck his toes into the air so I could pull them.

So, I did.

At the end of the evening, I lifted him into my arms and carried him all the way up the stairs to his bed on the bottom bunk in the room that he shares with his sister, and I sat in a chair and I read them all a book. And somewhere in the middle of reading it a 4-year-old little boy fell asleep and began to be transformed into a 5-year-old little boy. At the end of the chapter, I shut off the light, leaned over him and pressed the covers firmly around his shoulders, then I kissed his cheek and said goodbye. I stood for a long time, in the dark room. I wanted to wake him up and carry him back downstairs and watch Paw Patrol cartoons, one last time. I wanted to carry him to the garage and buckle him into a car seat just so I could unbuckle him and pick him back up, one last time. I wanted to sit him down in the kitchen and pour two glasses of juice and sit across the table from him as he told me about his newest superpower, one last time. Quick, before he grew up. But then I checked my watch and realized there was no time for any of those things. It was time for me to leave, one last time.

So, I did.